This Older Woman Talking to the Younger Women in the Room (what I should have said)
Sunday night, I had the pleasure of gathering with fifteen brilliant women (writer-friends) to discuss a much-buzzed-about book. None of us had written it, but the conversation sparked strong opinions (writers, after all) and deeply personal disclosures (women, after all).
The book—and the discussion—explored desire, menopause, aging, sexuality, the male and female gaze, creativity, and the trajectory of a woman’s life.
As the outlier who’d entered her seventies, I listened to these accomplished, stunning women (ages 25 to 60-something) worry about all the above. I wanted to hug them all and offer this wisdom from my older vantage point:
- You are lovely, and you are becoming wiser each day. Trust me, when you look back at photos of yourself, you’ll wonder why you ever complained.
- The best decades of my life? My fifties and sixties. And now, in my seventies, things are just fine, thank you—despite wasting years fretting over wrinkles and the “loss” of the male gaze.
- Menopause isn’t the end of me, but indeed, a better time. Sure, no more catcalls (thank goodness). Sure, more creams and serums (but that was always my addiction). So, while I don’t celebrate new wrinkles, they’re okay because:
- I still love writing, reading, walking, friends, family, affection, and dreaming of travel as much as ever. (And I’m still crappy at following through on travel plans.)
- I still work too much (by choice now, not necessity) because, as I’ve learned, work soothes me.
- I met the love of my life at 47.
- I published my first novel at 57.
- I sort-of conquered my sort-of eating disorder while writing my fifth novel at 67, which was about, what else, weight obsessions.
Who knows? Maybe at 77, Hollywood will have adapted my latest book, The Many Mothers of Ivy Puddingstone! (Shameless plug and link, here.)
If I could offer younger women just three practical tips, they’d be:
- Wear sunscreen.
- If you drink, drink less (especially at professional events).
- Take care of your teeth.
Beyond that, appreciate your life. Be good to yourself and others. Say thanks for your health. Live by your ethics.
When life feels overwhelming, please borrow my grandmother’s words at 94; seen above when she was a teenager, her answer to my question:
“What is the most important quality in life?” I asked.
“Kindness,” Grandma said.